Every Time a Child Screams, a Mommy Gets a New Gray Hair

The whole Santa story with the elves and so on has become one huge massively creative web of lies. Not that I have any problem with it. I know it’s for the greater good of my child. The problem I have is how much detail do I give, how much should I exaggerate and how in the world do I keep track of all I have already told. Let’s not forget my children are in school now with other kids whose parents have been telling them lies, too. What if their lies are different than mine? Then what? I spin another lie I suppose.

The biggest lie I have told is that if they don’t behave Santa won’t bring them any toys on Christmas. I threaten and I threaten and for a few minutes every day I get that panic stricken scream and pleading with tears for me not to call Santa.  “Give me just ONE more chance Mommy."  So I reply with the typical, “okay, one last chance and then I’m calling Santa." The cycle washes and repeats. 

I love playing Santa, or I guess Mrs. Clause since I’m the “woman behind the man."  I'm the one that shops, wraps, bakes, plans and handles all the logistical Christmas stuff. I manage the freakin' North Pole. Speaking of the North Pole, wouldn’t it be really nice if toy distributors would label their boxes during the holidays that the toys are made in the North Pole rather than China, Taiwan or Indonesia? We are adults; we know that the toys aren’t made in the states. If we are that interested in knowing we can Google it. But my son is kind of able to read and he might notice that his toys aren’t “Made in the North Pole."  And when he does I will have to lie once again. 

Elf on the Shelf is huge this year. I don’t remember it being so viral on Facebook last year. We don’t have one. We have a plastic garden gnome that my Grandmother had a collection of. Each of us grandkids got to have one when she passed. So we use that as our “elf on the shelf." Thanks to the movie Gnomeo and Juliet my kids now know that he is a gnome and not an elf. But I can tell another lie and let them know that gnomes are elves that are passed down from family members and when they are old they become “gnomes."  See how easily these lies are for me to make up. It’s scary I tell ya. 

We also have the advent calendar with the boxes that you open. I put candy in them every night (when I don’t forget) for the kids to let them know that Santa is watching them every day. The other day I totally forgot, probably because they had been particularly rotten that day and I was too frazzled to think about giving them candy. The following day I put a note from Santa in with their candy explaining that he noticed how bad they were the day before and that they need to listen…blah blah blah. The note was tossed because there was candy from Santa. Ugh. Waste of paper.

Yesterday I went onto the Magic Santa website and created videos for the boys from Santa. If you haven’t, these are great. They actually make me believe that there is a Santa. They are different every year, but the gist of it is that Santa gives your child a video message and knows what they want for Christmas, has their picture, name and address, and if they were good or bad. There are some other details you have the option of adding. I’m hoping this grabs their attention so I can score the rest of the month with some decent behavior. If not, I will just have to color my hair on a weekly basis.

Dear Santa, I would like a year supply of L’Oreal Hair Color please! Thank you!