Got Time? Effective Parenting 101

With all the articles that I have written, they all have two things in common regardless of the topic. These commonalities are children and parents. This article will focus on parents.

I remember when the catch phrase “quality time” was thought to be the quintessential answer to parents who worried that their kids were not spending enough time with them. Please notice that you don’t hear that phrase very much because “quality time” was assuaging parental guilt about time unspent. The term is passé because it is a contradiction in terms. It is the quality of the relationship that is paramount and that takes time. The amount of time includes down time and active time.

In searching online sources for effective parenting, I was disappointed at the choices. Searching is complicated. It can be tedious. I feel that so many children lack discipline, manners, self-esteem and the respect for themselves and others that school problems, truancy, substance abuse and various disorders are commonplace.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) offers the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey that attempts to monitor all sorts of behaviors in children. I am not saying that parents are the reason for a litany of childhood problems, but I want to call attention to the need for parents to intercede proactively before their child becomes a statistic.

Parenting is a legacy that is handed down from generation to generation. When I reflect upon what parents must do for their children’s development, I recall a book called The Seven Characteristics of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. This book is about business savvy, but its principles can be used for parent savvy. These seven principles correspond with ethical character. I decided to put my own pediatric spin on what parent’s should be instilling in their progeny. I would like to thank Mr. Covey for his inspiration. I will discuss one habit in particular to illustrate my point.

The first habit is that one must be proactive. Parents must take the initiative by realizing parental decisions are the primary factor influencing and displaying the meaning in their lives and their children’s life. Parental choices affect the entire family. If your child’s welfare is your most important goal then your actions should reflect your true intent. For instance, if you drink too much or abuse some other substance, your child learns that this is acceptable behavior. After all, the child sees that substances are acceptable in the home so the standard is set. Violence in the home is yet another example of bad behavior perpetuated. Studies show that these behaviors are learned and family history is a factor in these types of abuse. Some behaviors have genetic links but you can’t choose your genes (parents). “Do as I say and not as I do” is hypercritical and never works.

Being proactive suggests that parents anticipate rough seas ahead and prepare children for those days. Talking about drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, sexual activity, suicide and body image are merely examples of proactive intercession. Those who feel that discussing these types of topics is futile or unimportant are sadly mistaken. These topics surface in the most cryptic ways. If your child prepares for a test, why wouldn’t you want your child to prepare for life’s tests? Take the time to talk to your child today and every day. After all, children report that it is their parents who they listen to more than anyone else. Stay well.

Do you talk to your kids about drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, sexual activity, suicide and body image? What topics, if any, do you feel are NOT to be discussed? Share in the Comment Box below.