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Community Corner

Dating Violence in Teens

Learn about dating violence in teens and how to prevent it from happening to your adolescent.

I recently wrote about bullying and realized that teasing and name calling is also a characteristic of dating violence. Attitudes that bullying behaviors are socially acceptable can lead to violence over a lifetime. Someone from my high school class, who experienced physical violence from her boyfriend, three decades later is divorced with a history of physical and psychological abuse with different men. Many gentle readers will have no difficulty recalling similar situations from their high school experiences.

The fact is that many adolescents do not report dating violence for many of the same reasons adult women and men do not report abuse. The reasons range from embarrassment, social ostracism and ambivalence, to name a few. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), teen dating violence is defined as the physical, sexual or psychological/emotional violence within a dating relationship. It is also known by the following terms: intimate partner abuse, relationship violence and domestic abuse. No matter what you use to call it, this form of abuse has become part of the American experience. The Youth Risk Surveillance Survey reported that one in four adolescents reported verbal, physical, sexual or emotional abuse from a dating partner within the last 12 months. About 10 percent of U.S. students reported being physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the last 12 months. There is also a direct association with teen violence being a risk for further violence in college-aged students. Dating violence can also occur in same sex relationships.

Victims of teen dating violence may experience the following:

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  • Poor school performance
  • Binge drinking
  • Developing eating disorders
  • Suicidal attempts
  • Future violent relationships
  • Sexual activity and rape

The CDC further reports that violence is related to certain risk factors and these factors increase the risk of an unhealthy relationship. These risk factors include:

  • Teenagers believe it is acceptable to use threats or violence for manipulation.
  • Alcohol and drug use
  • Hanging out with violent peers
  • Having a friend with dating violence history
  • Suffering from low self-esteem and depression
  • Learning difficulties and other school problems
  • No parental support and supervision or harsh parenting 
  • A history of home violence or community violence, which can include bullying

According to the CDC TV's Health Matters, “Parents can learn to recognize the warning signs that a teen may be at risk. Kids may change their routine. They may give up activities or hobbies that they previously enjoyed. They may withdraw from friends and family or spend too much time with the person they are dating.

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There are warning signs for parents to watch for: their child may be insulted by their boyfriend or girlfriend; try to control them; or check in on them constantly by calling, texting, or sending instant messages. Teens may threaten their boyfriend or girlfriend or lose their temper.”  

Prevention is the best medicine. Children learn from example more than any other type of education. Respect for self and others is paramount. Children have grown up watching parents relate to each other. These observances have been engrained in your child. Children demonstrate what they have been shown. The best way to deal with dating violence is to be proactive. Talk to your children about relationship expectations.

If you aren't certain how to talk with your teen about dating violence, Dating Matters is a free online course for educators, parents and youth leaders. It is offered by www.VetoViolence.org has been developed by the CDC to provide grantees and partners with access to training and tools that focus on the primary prevention of violence.

You can also help by monitoring your kids. Know where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing, and when they’ll be home. Setting up boundaries and expectations for their activities will help guide them when they’re making decisions for themselves. Stay well.

Have you talked with your teen about dating violence? Share your experience in the Comment Box or vote in our poll.

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